page 1

"Alright if I drop by tonight? Paul?"
"Well,  I already have a date with one 'Loes',
in that pub 'Bruintje'." Ien hesitated …
"Loes?" ..." Klaassen, double a, double s"
"And ... a pub called 'Bruintje'?
You never ever date, the only people you see
are Henk and me. But do come and see me."
" 'Bruintje' is from a commercial,
I thought you were familiar with it."
"No, anyhow Henk is probably gonna come too."

It suited Paul, that Ien and Henk would come to him.
Ien's mother was a dentist, and who wants to go there.
He had been at Henk's parents ... loud people.
Always busy there, and the only subject ...
those fucking street organs, or whatever.
And they had those two huge German shepherds.

page 2

Let's call Paul's mother Margo or rather Mo
Not only to avoid her last name Mrs. Pot.
Paul's youngest brother Anton had to show
dressed up at a school party, and insisted
on being the sun. Mo thought of something
easier, and found a cap and a pipe in the attic.
Henk was the most dexterous around, asked
for scissors and empty boxes. Made a cardboard
cutout aureole and dyed it yellow and red.
Little Anton loved it. And Mo served them all
a lovely cherry pancake.

Later in Paul's room, Ien came up with
something of a poem, she had written.
Rather a song, an earwormy melody.

the love of the man
is moon based

the love of the woman
is wind chased

the love of the child
is animal like
it's here
and it's now

page 3

The minute Paul opened the gate of the fenced
courtyard behind the house on Ananasstraat, where
the Samrinks lived, the dogs started barking.
The German shepherds called Monza and Kazan.
Monza came running towards Paul, while Henk's
father Walter was putting Kazan in the small trailer
behind the Opel Ascona. The names of both dogs in
red tape on the trailer. Mrs. Samrink, Mirjam,
shouted to Henk, who was upstairs: "Come down,
Paul is here. Now Boet is not here, you two
can load those boxes and crates in the Transit."
Through the open window Henk beckoned Paul to
come upstairs.



Henk's brother Boet was in hospital.
A very weird thing happened to him.
He woke up this morning and found to his horror,
a turd lying on his belly button.
He went to the doctor who said:
"The intestine is snapped.
We call that a para-umbilical hernia."
So Henk had to skip in for Boet,
to sell second-hand albums at the fair.

page 4

"Talking about albums ...
Actually, that's why I'm here.
You have named Monza after that song
from Ferrari, that band from Brabant."
"Yes, with that memorable phrase:
It's a pity that she can't talk,
cause Monza is my dog. Awesome ..."
"Well, another of their songs,
Yellow Sun of Ecuador, inspired me ..."
"That's from another band, Boet would
have known. Wait I'll ask dad."



"The Classics, here I've got it.
The album Papa Peppone.
The cover reads: Killroy Weert. "
"Anyway, Henk, that melody ...
I came up with:
Yellow hash
Yellow hash from Lebanon
redefined
half my pantheon
from now on
yay yay yay
a giant cyclotron
and hooray
a rhyme lexicon."

page 5

"Oh no, that's quite useless and only the first
lines fit the melody. Wait I'll play the record."
So Paul bought himself a rhyming dictionary.
It also had information about rhyme schemes
and things like iamb and trochee.
"Is 'Yellow sun of Ecuador' a four-foot trochee?
Yel low sun of E cua dor
"No, not quite ...
Anyhow ... let's the take the atlas and search
for words that sound like Ecuador."
Here this one ... Tuvalu.
The capital has a great name: Funafuti.
"Italy, for instance …
Horny sun of Italy
Venus brother
you hot firebrand"
"No, 'Venus brother' doesn't
sound like 'lead me on'
It would have to be 'Venus bro'"
A full trash can later ...
Performer of 'Mexico'
without name
la la la la tremolo
"Hehenk" shouted his mother downstairs.

page 6

Leibnitz

Die imaginaire Zahlen sind
ein feine und wunderliche
Zuflucht des göttlichen Geistes,
beinahe ein Amphibium
zwischen Sein und Nicht-sein.
Math teacher Heinz Widerporsten
had to quote Leibnitz again.
"If we know that:
i² = 1 and j² = 1 and k² = 1
and with quaternions multiplications
are no longer commutative, so that
j = -k * i = i * k
Which formula then ..."


Paustovsky

Meanwhile Henk and Ien whispered:
"Those teachers are really boring.
Except the Russian teacher.
Wish we had someone for geography
like Konstantin Paustovsky had.
Tsjerpunov the magician,
his cabinet full of bottles.
Water all the way from the Limpopo."
"Henk Samrink, pay attention.
Of course Ien is way more interesting
than math. But your grades tend to
D rather than C, so ...
z (a,b) = a + b * i = r (cos ф + i sin ф)
whereby -л < ф ≤ л and I give you this formula:
z¹º² + 999 z³³ – л z² = -417 + i"
"You know as well as I do, that those complex
numbers are a little too complex for me."

page 7

An Ecuador hype infected the Pot family.
Paul's mom had a leftist past
and came up with:
Ho Chi Min of Vietnam
sandals made
out of rubber tyre
Oldest brother Willem joined in.
He served with Unifil in Lebanon.
Unifil in Lebanon
blue beret
and a night in Tell Afuck.



Dad Ton Pot who worked as a cryptologist
at the University Computer Center
made one that Paul couldn't match:
Brimmed straw hat from Panama
tautology
from Middle America.
Whereupon Paul teased his dad with:
Fuzzy hair from Senegal
calculates
the highest prime.
That evening Mo served:
Lentil soup from Puy-de-Dôme
sausages
and garlic breath.

page 8

Hypnos and Thanathos

Also retired etruscologist grandpa Allard
joined forces and counseled his grandson to
think about his classical background.
"You do have Greek and Latin, don't you?"
Underworld of Tartarus
Hypnos' home
but also Thanatos.
And a lovely one from sis Monica,
the actress who visited them that Sunday:
Tenderfoot from Trinidad
trouser socks
and still a virgin man.

The Pot's lived in a uptown block
with all professor names. Theirs:
Professor Drossaert Lullofsstraat.
The neighborhood was named Galgenveld.
Grandpa lived above where he had a pot stove,
although the house had central heating.
His words kept tickling Paul's mind
and he started browsing randomly in a book
with Greek legends and myths whereby,
the Odyssey caught his attention.
That night he fought in his dream a
battle in the middle of knights on horseback.
Loads of blood streamed in the gutter
of the square in front of the Pot residence.

page 9

"What's for dinner, Mom?"
"Pear rice." "No ... honestly"
"You will see when it's ready,
but having eaten a large bag
of potato chips, you probably
won't be hungry anymore. Well,
It's gonna be seafood spaghetti.
You have nothing better to do
than watching cartoons?"
"Not all cartoons are silly.
You know what I just saw?
A chipmunk performing a human,
who does an impression of musical
instruments with his mouth, to show
how music imitates the human voice."



They lived in a much too large corner house.
Not bad located on the Timor Street.
Between the bike racks in the front yard,
was a blue sign, which read:
dentist Haverkamp
for appointments
phone 002349
And with a marker was written:
double o 'two
three four nine
that's my number.
Martha didn't want to be called Sarie
anymore, since Tony had left.
But Ien kept her old name.
Ien Haverkamp, just the mere thought.

page 10

"Kinell, what happened here?" asked Tony
Ien remembers vividly. After a terrible
fight her mother said:
"As you can see I cleaned up the stable.
Not that I've thrown things away definitely."
"You've done the windows."
"Judging by your face, that's
not meant as a compliment."
"No, now my zebra has gone."
"Your zebra? You don't mean that pigeon drop?"
"In the end it had only three legs
but still ..." And from the bathroom:
"My coyote as well! I still remember
how it looked like: staggering away
after a copious meal."



Friday afternoon in the pub 'the Racehorse of Genius'.
"Listen, here I have a notebook, with all the things
we have made so far." Not more than ten pages, but in
the sometimes euphoric mind of Paul, this might turn
out something like ... Onegin. The book Paul this
time was totally in to. But Henk, more down to earth
interrupted him. No, we mustn't be epigones. It's
enough to know that Pushkin could use anything …
song, letter, novel, verse and he could digress or
call it a day, when he wanted. By the way, gushing
about poetry and heroes ... no way. Like those
creeps from Dead Poets Society. But that version
of the preface, that yielded Paul an A, do you
have that in your notebook, Ien?"

page 11

Why only amuse my friends?
I want everybody's attention,
will honor you with my intends
deriving from our comprehension.
All objections are dismissed,
Stories and verses are contrived,
mainly because I couldn't resist
and wondering how they arrived.
Tragicomic out of the dark,
my expanding brains spark.
Maybe half-hearted but very proud,
till I shall tumble of this cloud.

Grandpa's birthday.
"Eighty one years old
but still very bold
sitting near the pot stove"
Henk sang paraphrasing
the 'Doe Maar' song.
To Ien grandpa confessed:
"If I only were young"
Henk still doing 'Doe Maar' songs:
"Under collapsing buildings
in the city
next to youuu."
Paul waited for the right moment
to show his newest creation.

page 12

Odysseus of Ithaca
battling for
the beautiful Helena
defeated Ajax
through Athena's cow dunga
drifted to
the island Ogygia.
Calypso's cave
he traded for Nausicaa.
Spoke to her of
Lotofagia,
of Cyclops and Aeaea
Charibdis and Trinacria.
Home again with Penelope
after a philippica
all the suitors
got euthanasia.

"It's not Ódysseus but Odýsseus
and doesn't sound like 'yellow sun',
if that was your intention.
So there is something wrong with the meter.
The a's added to Helen, dung and philippic …
alright, but the damning speech was named
after Philip of Macedon who was born
much later than Homer."
More criticism from Ien: "those
suitors, didn't one or two escape?
The rest was arrowed down ... not?"

page 13

"When we left Rotterdam harbor ..."
"Yes Henk, that's the first line of
the song Ketelbinkie, the deck hand."
"And sing instead of Rotterdam, Ithaca."
"When we left Ithaca harbor, with the
'Edam' ... what was their ship named?"
To catch the Odyssey in one song, was
asking for trouble, grandpa thought.
"Moreover, the journey started in Ismaros.
What preceded is Iliad. And then that
'we', the only one returning was Odysseus."
"We'll see." Paul's motto. If necessary
we'll put Iliad and Odyssey in one song.
Ien added Paul's idea to the notebook.
"I'll have a look at it, later at home."


Odysseus

Our black ship with the red bow.

When we left Ithaca harbor
To fight the Trojans in the east
For beautiful Helena of Sparta
Being captured by Paris that beast
We had a guy, rather clever
Laertes' son with us on board
Who transformed Calchas' dreams
To wooden horse as final chord

After the victory over Trojans
Ajax the Lesser he outran
And so the crater and the ox won
That Odysseus was our man.

page 14

Ien wasn't totally happy with the meter.
"Henk, you try to sing it ... mmm, doesn't
sound too bad. But that 'Paris the beast'...
I don't know Paris was more someone with
his head in the clouds, someone who rather
played his lyre than anything else."
"Well, Nero played his lyre, and wasn't he
a beast? And didn't Paris shoot Achilles
in the heel?" Paul also regretted that
his 'cow dung' wasn't used in the song.


Paris, Apollo, and Achilles.

Destroyed Ismarus of the Cicones
Thereafter homeward bound
But rounding the cape Malea
The gods turned the ship around
For ivory, silver and elektron
To Crete and Sidon we set sail
Aegyptus, Erembea where is that
And lost Menelaus' trail

Thanks to Boreas in our sails
Went to Cythera beautiful
Ended up with flower eaters
Lotophages bountiful

page 15

Odysseus and Circe

We blinded drunken Polyphemus
Disguised ourselves as sheep
The Laistrygones ate our friends
Eleven ships send to the deep
Suggesting we were merely pigs
The potion worked out on the crew
But Hermes holy herb moly
Protected us of Circe's brew

And then a scary trip to Hades
All the fire and the brimstone
That cost our life maybe two times
As in the end was shown

"I'm amazed, did you do that completely
on your own, Ien? And did you also buy
rhyme dictionary?" "Yes, Paul and what comes
in handy as well is a synonym dictionary."
"How long is it gonna be?" "I don't know,
I've had the Iliad, and am half way the
Odyssey. But I don't wanna make too long."

page 16

We stuffed our ears with beeswax
And tied the captain to the mast
Only Odysseus heard the Sirens
He judged their singing unsurpassed
The monsters Scylla and Charybdis
Eventually sang our swan song
The captain clung on to a beam
And drifted thus nine days long

But in Calypso's little sea cave
Rather reluctant supposedly
He may have stayed seven years long
Until Athena set him free


Odysseus, Athena and Nausicaa

Nausicaa, Alcinous' daughter
Was giving her clothes a bleach
Odysseus who was shipwrecked
Exhausted naked on the beach
He tells the king all his stories
His majesty would let him go
With lots of gifts he could return
The ship though was petrified
The Phaeacian rowers left to spurn

Hid his gifts in Phorcys' harbor
And Athena bleached his hair
Transforms him into a beggar
So the suitors wouldn't care

page 17

"Athena also dimmed his bright eyes and she had
grey green eyes, couldn't you have mentioned that.
You, with your beautiful green eyes, yourself."
"Stop it, Paul. And don't look at me like that."
"Because you lightly squint, that makes it extra."
"No, I just don't want it. Paul, stop doing that."
The inspiration faltered for several weeks.
One verse and one chorus was what she needed.
Book fourteen to book twenty-four had to be
compressed into that. Phemios Terpes' son brought
relief. The name would return in their conversations.


Telemachus and Penelope

Philoitios and Eumaeus the herdsmen
Telemachus Odysseus' boy
Together the formed the small army
That had only one goal: to destroy
The spears, swords and sharp arrows
Some hundred suitors killed with ease
And servant woman who were disloyal
Were hung from nearby growing trees

But Phemius Terpes' son escaped
And kept on playing this song
Who pushed our bed aside now?
Penelopeaia that's not done


Odysseus and Penelope

page 18

Lingerie & Foundation Nobelle Ltd.
was Henk's employer in the summer
months. Barely awake he cycled
to the industrial zone in Wijchen.
With a pallet truck he had to
move goods in the warehouse.
Such as: bras Foxy, A-cup to DD,
black tights Lieutenant Uhura,
girdles, corsets, corselets etc.
He needed the money to buy a
Honda off road machine.


Lieutenant Uhura

From Padova Henk got a postcard
with a picture of a fresco
from the Oratorio di San Giorgio.
Entitled:
St. Lucy Remains Immovable
at an Attempt to Drag Her
With The Help of Oxen
to a House of Ill repute.
And one with greetings from Allard,
Anton and Paul. From Piacenza.
"Again we couldn't see the bronze
liver of Piacenza this year
Museum still in 'rinnovazione'."
A week later, another from Vaduz:
"Greetings from Liechtenstein
postcard with:
message of saddle pain.
Martha and Ien."


Bronze liver, Piacenza

page 19

On the way to Lenzkirch near Titisee,
exhausted mother Martha and daughter Ien
got off their bikes at Campingplatz
'Bauernhof.' Ate schnitzel Jägersoße
and drank beer from big mugs. Drank
lots of pints with people also from
Holland, from Lith. It was raining and
already late. And they got too drunk to
even put up a tent. But fortunately
they were invited to stay the night.
By the farmer, a house down the road.
Who possibly was even more drunk than
themselves. "It's not only his club foot, is it?"
To the left and right supporting Hermann,
the three staggered through the night.


calamari fritti

"Margo, your son is head over heels in love."
When switching at the station of Chiasso
Switzerland, Paul had forgotten his suitcase.
"He can think of nothing but Bea. Right Paul?"
"Her name is Eva." "They're from Este, think Dante."
And to Mo: "The daughter of the Robecchi Briquetti's,
where we stayed the last week. He was closely under
surveillance of the many brothers, even the younger
ones." "Always with their hands in those swim briefs,
they wear." Once Paul had escaped. With Eva he had
been to Rosolina Mare on the Adriatic. And there they
had eaten calamari fritti out of a fatty cone bag, hmmm.

page 20

At the Samrink home they played a homemade
version of Cluedo or 'Who killed Dr. Black?'
So you could hear at the table:
Miranda of the 'Edah', killed the fishmonger
with a lead pipe, opposite liquor shop 'Frolic'.
Other locations on the homemade board were:
Chinese takeout center 'Golden City',
butchers 'The Meat Partners',
cigarette shop 'Padilla',
pet food store 'Pefosto',
solarium 'Total',
used car parts 'The Future'.



"When pigs fly." "What the fuck?"
"No way, not in your life, forget it"
"But Henk, If we ask the people who write
in the school paper ... I'm sure ..."
Ien and Paul were asked by Anneke
Van Driest to be members of the school
paper staff. "The mere name of the
paper, no, no, no. And I can't stand
Anneke Van Driest. And then Warenar
as chaperone, would make me sick."
Warenar was Brown, the teacher Dutch.
For him Henk made:
The disease of Brown
more hair on his chin
than on his crown.
The disease of Warenar
more hair on his balls
than on his cigar.

page 21

"Lend me some of your filthiest porn, Boet.
Preferable something funny. Old Harakiri's
for example. No, I won't stain them.
I take them to Erdal Ozipek. He scans them
and puts them in a self printed magazine
with computer tips and related poetry.
Look, this one for example:"



"And Henkie boy, is gonna give the circulation
figures a hefty boost, isn't it?" "Just like
in some English tabloids on page three."
"And knowing you, the name 'Bitmap', won't
last very much longer." "Oddly, I hadn't thought
of that. Do you have a suggestion?"
"Call it just what it is: porn or as we
say here in Nijmegen: pörno, purno, peurno."
Not only obscene pictures.
Henk wrote scabrous songs.
You fucking bet.
dirty rib-ticklers.
Ain't seen nothing yet.


Harakiri 10

page 22

Normally, Erdal and Henk cycled to school
together, till Henk had bought his Honda.
Erdal rented a room at a brother of his
father in the Rozenstraat Quarter.
A room? More like a cabin loaded with
electronics. He was acting like the cheering
from the video was for him, when he had
finished his homework. The applause after
a live concert of Nirvana. When they had
played their last number: Drain you.
And also used to give the finger to the
chess program when he managed to defeat it.



On a Chesterfield couch sat Erdal
and his uncle watching Bil Bul,
a youth quiz on TRT. Upstairs Henk
gave the Harakiri's to Erdal after
he had let him read his song:
Gently taps the penis
on the feminine pad,
the rhythm of hornyness.
What am I gonna do
with my sperm today?
I might as well go mad.
Oh, oh, oh,
grab that stiff rod
take it in your hand
and meanwhile I will bite
in your garter band.
Come darling Clara
you're the one I love.

page 23

'The rhythm of the hornyness' was
published in Bitmap number five.
Number six was called: Bitmap / Ponro.
With Tips & Tricks for Leisure Suit Larry,
photo corner The Wet Dream
and Henk's Wet Dream Song:
I have a gi ga gi ga gantic sack
Every time, two liters smack
Gi ga gi ga gantic sack
I have a ti ta ti ta tanic prick
One meter ten, quivering dick
Ti ta ti ta tanic dick
I was with si sa si sa seed flooded
Oh what a night, wonderful dream
Si sa si sa, flooded with cream.



"You have beautiful hair for a Chinese."
Paul and his brother Willem looked at
the men waiting for a haircut, if they
had heard it too. They would have walked
out, if it hadn't been Paul's turn.
"What is that creep gonna come up with,
when I'm in the chair", Paul thought.
But when the hairdresser enticed
the Chinese to buy all kinds of
hair care products, Paul and Willem
hefty shook their heads 'no'.
Offended, he kept his mouth shut.

page 24

The post that was intended to prevent
other vehicles use the cycle path
had been extremely effective.
Henk had collided with the concrete
post at full speed on his Honda.
With internal and external bruising
he had to keep bed for three weeks.
Every two days Paul came and flooded him
with homework. It was their senior year.
"Immer mit der Ruhe, Paulus. I'd rather
read 'Ik, Jan Cremer'. Could you get
that from the library. Part 1 and 2."
"It'll be a perfectly nice scar,
almost a German 'Schmiß'."

The third week Henk was out of bed and
was laying on the couch in the living room.
His mother put a pillow under his head
because there was already a greasy spot
on the arm rest. "You would have to have
some cloths like aunt Dewi's armchairs had.
What were they again? … antimassacres?"
Mother burst out laughing and said:
"Crochet works against blood-shed?
It is antimacassars, namely against
the Macassar oil from Celebes.
The place is also called Ujung Pandang,
located on the isle of Sulawesi."
When she was young, she had worked for
the Indonesian family de Roy van Zuydewijn.

page 25

Fortunately Henk was back on his feet
just before the school trip to Austria.
Kötschach im Gailtal, Carinthia.
"Mark Antonisse, you'll be Ray Smith.
You already wear tennis shoes."
Was speaking Bert Glimmerveen,
English teacher and the director of
an outdoor performance of a few chapters
from: The Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac.
"Ray Smith, the narrator of the book
is going to climb the Matterhorn,
in the Sierra Nevada, that is."
Together with Japhy Ryder and Henry Morley.



"Henry Morley is an eccentric
librarian and wears glasses.
I suggest that Paul plays this role.
Japhy is about five foot seven.
He wears a funny green alpine cap
and produces a yodel when he gets
to the foot of the mountain."
"Perfect role for 'Bugs'" someone said.
"Victor Stokhof, could you do that?
That's settled then. Oh ... and
a prompt ... Henk Samrink? Okay.
We are gonna start where Morley wants
to take a rubber air mattress with
him while he forgets his sleeping bag."

page 26

Mark 'solarium' Antonisse was the
protector of scapegoat Victor Stofhok …
uh Stokhof. Because of his prominent front
teeth also named 'Bugs'. Mark could not
take his eyes off auburn haired Ien.
"Victor, do you think that one of
the two is ... uh, doing it with her?"
"I'm pretty sure that's not the case.
Both Henk and Paul think and know
that they have no chance with her."


Bugs Bunny and Mark Antony

"Tonight I slept with Mark Antonisse
in his tent." Ien confessed to Paul.
"But you can't tell anybody!
Top secret. I beg you."
"Well, you shouldn't have told me
or at least have warned me that
you were gonna tell a secret.
Then I could have told you
not wanting to hear it, although …
Now you impose an obligation on me."
"But you can not ... if someone ..."
"Given the fact that I am a blabbermouth …
Well ... it's alright, but I can't promise
anything." "Pauhaul ... also not to Henk."

page 27

Lindwurmbrunnen Klagenfurt

In Klagenfurt, Henk and Victor had
seen 'Repulsion' the Polanski film.
At that time, Henk had decided to
apply for film school after graduation.
In the afternoon they visited the Musil
Museum. An assignment of the German teacher.
Henk teased Victor when they passed the
the 'Lindwurmbrunnen', the tapeworm source.
Victor was the son of Koen Stokhof
the manager of cafeteria 'Edelweiss'
on the Jacob Roggeveenstraat.



At night you could find Tony Sarie
there eating fried liver with onions
or horse steak with fries.
"Dad can't be stopped by anything."
Victor said. "Not a double skull base
fracture as a result of a robbery and
not even the hated 'Food Control Section'."
Henk was pleasantly surprised when
he learned that Victor played the guitar.
Though it was in the church choir.
But he couldn't picture him as a pallbearer
for the undertaker van Vroomshoop in Dukenburg.

page 28

Back at school everyone had to give
a presentation on a book on their
reading list Dutch literature.
'Han de Wit gaat in ontwikkelingshulp'
by Heere Heeresma was the choice of Ien.
Paul had thought about Slauerhoff
but had eventually chosen Hugo Claus'
'Verdriet van België'. That suited Henk.
He hadn't been able to find much on
the poetry of Jan Arends. From the material
on Slauerhoff that Paul had gathered,
he could have made two presentations.
Erdal was advised by Henk to also choose
a poet. "Half the presentation can be
filled with reciting poems." So Erdal
began his presentation on Jan Hanlo with:
"Tjielp tjielp – tjielp tjielp tjielp"



At the editorial meeting of the school paper
Paul proudly stated that he started a novel
with the provisional title 'The haze of Slovakia'
What he didn't say was that he had not much more
than a title, a map and a tourist guide of the
Carpathians. He had read biographies on
Robert Maxwell, who came from that region.
That used to be called Ruthenia. Anneke
van Driest knew that Joseph Roth, the author
of 'The Radetzky March', was from there.

page 29

Karin Kent

Ien's presentation, Paul's rhyming dictionary
and Henk came up with the melody: Karin Kent's
'Dans je de hele nacht met mij?' "The original
version 'Dance Mama, dance papa, dance' by
Hal David and Burt Bacharach was ..."
"Yes, Henk enough ... it's all right."
Another song in which a book was summarized.
The school paper happy and Warenar cheerful.

You'd better come forth pa de Wit
Your son has seen where that you hid
You've been betrayed by your own Han
That wacky charlatan

And so ... you'd better come forth pa de Wit
If it's a battle, you will loose it.
Before he might win, tell him: dismissed
That son of yours is a fantasist
Yes, that son of yours is an egoist

You'd better come forth pa de Wit
This ain't gonna be a skit
Make a fall of the back of a coal truck
You gonna be a real lame duck

And so ...

page 30

What Warenar could not appreciate
was the success of Bitmap / Ponro No. 7.
Henk started a cycle called:
'A seed bank in the gene pool'

Number 1: boy – girl
Last night a rubber saved a life
I put one on
over my hard on
Although a hymen had been broken
No new life had been woken

Number 2: boy – boy
Last night praecox saved a life
The boy had cum before
His friend wanted much more
Now before he penetrates
They are prevented getting AIDS

Number 3: girl – girl
Last night a dental dam saved a life
All that licking
Who knows what's sticking
Even my dildo from no on
Get's a rubber jacket on

page 31

They had sent 'A seed bank in the gene pool'
to a writing contest promoting safe sex.
"Lets use your name Erdal, with a Turkish name
double chance because of positive discrimination."
They won a consolation prize.
Erdal himself had a go at scabrous songs.
A Russian film had inspired him.

Tam had his pico
His pico in Vera’s cruz
Tam told Vera
Little Vera
You tasty puss



One of the 'subscribers' to their magazine,
Sara Troelstra, approached Erdal and Henk with
a poem that supposedly spread among the girls.
White discharge of Karin Beks
yogurt cure
And a month of no sex.
"Impossible, with her ​​own name."
They wanted to hold off the thing a bit
and not become involved in any intrigues.
Besides, their reputation did not
match their sexual activity. Once,
in the bushes near the swimming pool,
a girl from one of the lower classes
had given Henk a wank and Erdal
had been once to a whore house.

page 32

Guy Fawkes

It was November 3rd and Ien that day
replaced mothers assistant Angelique.
"Mrs. Vossebelt, your turn." But Tony
came in, ruddy, with two gifts and a
bouquet of flowers. Martha got a fake
ermine hat and Ien a tropical fish.
Ien made ​​the alginate. "Mrs. Vossebelt
is coming for a dental cast." And went
off with Tony to put the fish in one of
the many aquariums Tony had scattered
throughout the house. "The day after
tomorrow is your birthday, huh dad?
Do you stay until then, please? I'll
ask mom. The Gunpowder Plot, a penny
for the guy, how could I forget."



"Ever heard anything of Eva?"
Paul and Henk played a game of darts
against Ien and Tony in the pub
'the Racehorse of Genius'.
"The first letter was answered.
Well, with a card. Since then ..."
Henk said, and there he stopped.
Tony stayed with a friend who had
a small room above 'the Racehorse of
Genius', since once more he was thrown
out at the Timorstraat. At the day after
his birthday, when in the morning Martha
Haverkamp found a guy snoring on the sofa.
A horrible smell, and next to his hand
a self extinguished cigarette butt,
that made a scorch in the carpet.
It was Mike Hunt, who Tony had met
in the British Legion Pub.

page 33

My Uncle Cor was, as you may know,
a successful soccer honcho.
He played for the old Excelsior,
that club from the famous 'Rotjeknor'.
Later in Breda he coached NAC,
until they chanted from the pack:
Cor Pot fuck off
Cor Pot fuck off
Cor Pot, Cor Pot
Cor Pot fuck off.
Life in the stadium can be hard,
but he knew that from the start.
Although he was rather anguished,
not like Moyaal's uncle who languished.
Getting up in nearly bare skin
poking with a stick in the garbage bin.



"Is that after Hooft, Paul?"
"No, Bredero ... Moortje.
By the way, he's already back
to work as coach of another club."
"I thought you did not care about soccer?"
"I don't ... no sport at all.
I wanted to say 'by the way' again.
Do I say that often ... incidentally?"

page 34

About one o'clock at night Paul and Henk
had had it in bar 'Extase'. It was Saturday
(Sunday already) and when they came outside
suddenly everything had turned white.
They fired a few snowballs at a road sign
and were invited by a student named Radboud
to go to a gig of a Basque punk group in
the 'Onderbroeck' a basement pub underneath
the squatted building the 'Grote Broeck'
formerly the 'Nijmeegs Dagblad' housing.



It was actually his birthday, but even Paul
didn't know this. For five years Henk didn't
celebrate his birthday anymore. That was since
he had seen himself, in a new sweater, with
his gifts, sitting in front of a plate full
of delicious cream puffs. That his mother
had baked and filled with yellow custard.
Which showed a resemblance to the pimples
around his mouth and on his nose. However,
the acne had disappeared now he had to shave
regularly. They got really drunk that night

page 35

The punk band had stopped raging.
"You see the two girls, right there,
to the right of the stage? I know
the blonde. She works at Nobelle,
let's go. Her name is Vanessa Pauweoog
... by the way. We can talk about ...
lingerie, what more do you want?"
But Paul was far too drunk to have
a conversation. When Henk and Vanessa
wanted to go, they heard Paul drivel to
Norma: "Verily, verily, I say onto thee,
girl, Norma, isn't it, today thou shalt
be with me in paradise." Norma looked
at her friend and said: "What am I
gonna do, he's frunk as duck?"



Barely three weeks later, the love affair
with Vanessa Pauweoog had already ended.
The fact that Henk was not insensitive to
the flirting of one of her girlfriends
was not the main reason. More important
was that she stopped him wandering his hands.
She really had to cry when he broke up with her.
"Because of my breasts ... isn't it Henk?"
"Breasts? What do you mean?" "That I don't
have nipples ... sniff ..." So that was it.
Ouch ... no nipples what so ever.

page 36

Henk intended to completely focus on the
graduation exam. "Erdal, I just don't have
time for other things anymore. I can't
afford to fail the exam. Look, you'll pass
easily, but I should finally be doing
something. Six years in this jail is enough."
Paul and Norma, whose last name turned out
to be 'Winkelhaak', were like two lovebirds.
Norma was working as a nurse in the home for
terminal patients 'Kalorama' in Ubbergen.
She was depressed but brightened again, thanks
to the love for Paul. Her father was the owner
of the riding school 'St. Francis' in Groesbeek.
While 'andare al cavallo di San Francesco'
is an Italian phrase for: to go on foot.



"If I'm shaking the windows, give
a me a shout at radio Santa Maria.
All the good numbers to Sjef Hendrickx,
Lady Sunbeam, and everyone that might be
sick, old or lonely. Get your ears on."
Boet was tinkering with his motorcycle.
The radio continued: "Schöne Meid, hast
du heut' für mich Zeit ... ho ja ho ja ho …
ja ba da ba doe ..." Henk was helping his
mother baking sausage rolls. 'Apple of
my eye, are you coming along, Sunday, to
root for Boet, at the motocross in Boekel?"

page 37

The English teacher, Glimmerveen, had
a few questions for Ien. "Aldous Huxley's
'Brave New World' was not like '1984' by
George Orwell, picturing a vision of the
future." Ien stated. "Rather, it was a bold
attempt to come up with a solution for the
population growth and aggression of humanity.
Namely to regulate this at the source:
the reproductive and endocrine systems."
Later she would read somewhere that '1984'
was describing no future but historic
Big Brother state: Stalin's USSR in 1948.



Glimmerveen had not at all appreciated
this opinion. "You'd better stick to
'Treasure Island' and 'Animal Farm',
your figures aren't that overwhelming.
Not to mention your pronunciation."
Ien's pronunciation was strongly colored by
Tony's dialect: Lancashire hotchpotch.
Never he had criticized her like that.
"The man is really touchy, I'd better keep
my mouth shut." She thought. Yet quietly
she hummed: "Fifteen men on a dead
man's chest ... yohoho and a bottle of rum."

page 38

Ien suspected her mother to
have a relationship with the
salesman of Novidental.
A creep with a reddish beard.
Also on behalf of Tony she took
revenge, on paper at least.

Dear Abby,

When I found slick Rick, that jack-pudding,
that three dollar bill in Adam's costume on
top of our hell's bells Martha, I reached
for my Tommy gun. By George, you jerry-built
Jesus figure, with your Judas beard, put on
your long johns and get out of here. I don't
wanna be peeping Tom. Listen, I'm no steady Eddy,
much more an old Nick, if you don't get the hell
out of here. And you, plain Jane, nervous Nellie,
I'm not done with you. Katie bar the door.
Now I could use a Rob Roy, or a bloody Mary.

Greetings from a doubting Thomas.

page 39

"The lightest metal is lithium
and the heaviest metal is osmium."
Henk came in five minutes late in
the physics class. "And where are you
coming from, Samrink?" "From Bokki Wokki,
sir." "Come on ... sit ... silence!"
"Antonisse, which metal is the most
common in the earth crust?" "Iron? …
copper? ..." "No, aluminum. And who knows
from where the raw bauxite has its name?"
"Les Baux, France" "Excellent Victor."

Typical intellectual joke about soccer:
Johan Cruyff is speaking in an interview.
"It's all about the details, the mix …"
The reporter interrupts: "The idiosyncratic
of Barcelona?" Cruyff with a straight face
says: "That's right." The reporter again:
"And the iconoclastic ..." Says Johan: "don't
get what smashing statues got to do with it."

page 40

Quite a commotion in the house of the Pot family.
It was on a Wednesday and already dark and Anton
wasn't home yet. Except grandpa everybody went
searching. "Where are you gonna look? I'll bet
once you're gone, he will show up, with all sorts
of explanations." But doing nothing was no option and
they had phoned everyone but the police ... and so
... so what? But … grandpa had been right again.
Anton had invented a bike ride game whereby he
alternately turned left and right and had ended
up somewhere in Milsbeek, before he returned.


Toon Hermans – Gert and Hermien

In the edition of Bitmap /Ponro nr. 8
Henk Samrink was replaced by Sara Troelstra.
A spring edition, containing Sara’s carnival hit:

Gert, where is your strap-on nose
Gert, where is you nose
Where has your strap-on gone to?
Have your pants gone banananas?
This morning it raised your pajamas

Hermien, watch your language, girl
Hermien, don't be a naughty girl
Where has your chastity gone to
For sherry, coffee and a chocolate dome
We have to visit the Van Bemmelen's home

page 41

Willem Duys

The photo corner was also replaced.
By a new section with Willem Duys' motto:
Yes, folks, also animals need love.
And contained facts as:
The sable (Mustela zibellina) can extend
the act of love to around ten hours.
The love life of the octopus species
Octopus vulgaris revolves around
the third of his / her eight arms.
An intermediate piece is missing and therefore,
the animal is referred to as cephalopod.
Their favorite food is crab (Brachyura).
They live solitary and practice the backstroke.
That is, if they had a back. It's a head with arms.
The weasel (Mustela nivalis) is proficient in oral sex.



The name Bitmap / Ponro had not been changed.
Sara and Erdal got along just fine. He made her acquainted
with technology and she in her turn him with biology.
Because she also digged his nerdiness,
even the computer topics had survived.
Iterative or recursive programming (example)
Discover the random generator (number or word)
Michael Jackson Structured Programming.


not this one ................................... but this one

page 42

Mark Antonisse was quite upset.
For the fling with Ien in Austria
had led to nothing and he couldn't
get her out of his mind. At night,
he was haunted by weird dreams.
Like this one: An unknown man has
difficulties cutting off the throat
of a black cat cause his knife is blunt.
Mark sees himself getting a pocketknife
out of his pocket (he's wearing a Lederhosen!)
and hears himself say: "Here's a sharp knife."



But also this one: "I was visiting
a Flemish pigeon fancier. Dressed in
a blue work coat. We stood in his yard.
The 'cour' as he said, in front of the
shack, waiting for the homing pigeons.
Then a pigeon dives as a raptor
upon his prey. A mouse, no 'mois'
says the Belgian. But while my eyes
zoom in, I see again a black cat."

page 43

Boet had been able to swap the second-hand albums
for 25 boxes hard rock merchandising stuff:
Judas Priest T-shirts, Motörhead buckles ...
Since the beginning of the motocross season
this spring, he worked for the French lubricants
brand Lubriflex. To install billboards, banners,
crating the engines for an overseas Grand Prix,
that sort of work. In the Ford Transit was beside
the boxes and his Kawasaki motorcycle just enough
room for an air mattress and a sleeping bag.
"My address, mother? Poste Restante Toulouse."



Vanessa's complaint (in her diary):
That bastard of a Henk,
that smug jellyfish.
Like there's nothing wrong with him,
that mullet, that goldfish,
that red fish head.
His freedom, an excuse.
His smooth talking,
his deadpan face ...
That student with a summer job.
Why was he in the 'Onderbroeck'?
Why did I put up with him?
And Norma rubbing salt in the wound
with her love bird behavior.

page 44

On the other hand Henk had made an
(what at least he considered to be)
ode to himself.

Feckless dilly-dallier
Drowsy clodhopper
Flaky space cadet
Lazy-bones lounger
Empty-headed washout
Dallying slow poke
Loitering dawdler
Slothful slacker
Dopey procrastinator
Shirky flash in the pan
Sluggish goldbrick
Idle couch potato
Worthless good-for-nothing

On the second day of the graduation exam
Henk was one of the first witnesses
of a car accident on the Graafseweg.
The driver that had caused the accident
asked for Henk's jacket, and if he
could lay it under the victim's head.
So he missed half an hour of the
chemistry exam, which was his weakest
topic anyhow. But in one way or another
the shock had worked in his favor. It was
the only B between many C's and one D,
he received. In biology, he had a kind
of blackout. Osmosis, turgor pressure
and semipermeable plasma membrane
had very little meaning for him that day.