page 1

"Alright if I drop by tonight? Paul?"
"Well,  I already have a date with one 'Loes',
in that pub 'Bruintje'." Ien hesitated …
"Loes?" ..." Klaassen, double a, double s"
"And ... a pub called 'Bruintje'?
You never ever date, the only people you see
are Henk and me. But do come and see me."
" 'Bruintje' is from a commercial,
I thought you were familiar with it."
"No, anyhow Henk is probably gonna come too."

It suited Paul, that Ien and Henk would come to him.
Ien's mother was a dentist, and who wants to go there.
He had been at Henk's parents ... loud people.
Always busy there, and the only subject ...
those fucking street organs, or whatever.
And they had those two huge German shepherds.

page 2

Let's call Paul's mother Margo or rather Mo
Not only to avoid her last name Mrs. Pot.
Paul's youngest brother Anton had to show
dressed up at a school party, and insisted
on being the sun. Mo thought of something
easier, and found a cap and a pipe in the attic.
Henk was the most dexterous around, asked
for scissors and empty boxes. Made a cardboard
cutout aureole and dyed it yellow and red.
Little Anton loved it. And Mo served them all
a lovely cherry pancake.

Later in Paul's room, Ien came up with
something of a poem, she had written.
Rather a song, an earwormy melody.

the love of the man
is moon based

the love of the woman
is wind chased

the love of the child
is animal like
it's here
and it's now

page 3

The minute Paul opened the gate of the fenced
courtyard behind the house on Ananasstraat, where
the Samrinks lived, the dogs started barking.
The German shepherds called Monza and Kazan.
Monza came running towards Paul, while Henk's
father Walter was putting Kazan in the small trailer
behind the Opel Ascona. The names of both dogs in
red tape on the trailer. Mrs. Samrink, Mirjam,
shouted to Henk, who was upstairs: "Come down,
Paul is here. Now Boet is not here, you two
can load those boxes and crates in the Transit."
Through the open window Henk beckoned Paul to
come upstairs.



Henk's brother Boet was in hospital.
A very weird thing happened to him.
He woke up this morning and found to his horror,
a turd lying on his belly button.
He went to the doctor who said:
"The intestine is snapped.
We call that a para-umbilical hernia."
So Henk had to skip in for Boet,
to sell second-hand albums at the fair.

page 4

"Talking about albums ...
Actually, that's why I'm here.
You have named Monza after that song
from Ferrari, that band from Brabant."
"Yes, with that memorable phrase:
It's a pity that she can't talk,
cause Monza is my dog. Awesome ..."
"Well, another of their songs,
Yellow Sun of Ecuador, inspired me ..."
"That's from another band, Boet would
have known. Wait I'll ask dad."



"The Classics, here I've got it.
The album Papa Peppone.
The cover reads: Killroy Weert. "
"Anyway, Henk, that melody ...
I came up with:
Yellow hash
Yellow hash from Lebanon
redefined
half my pantheon
from now on
yay yay yay
a giant cyclotron
and hooray
a rhyme lexicon."

page 5

"Oh no, that's quite useless and only the first
lines fit the melody. Wait I'll play the record."
So Paul bought himself a rhyming dictionary.
It also had information about rhyme schemes
and things like iamb and trochee.
"Is 'Yellow sun of Ecuador' a four-foot trochee?
Yel low sun of E cua dor
"No, not quite ...
Anyhow ... let's the take the atlas and search
for words that sound like Ecuador."
Here this one ... Tuvalu.
The capital has a great name: Funafuti.
"Italy, for instance …
Horny sun of Italy
Venus brother
you hot firebrand"
"No, 'Venus brother' doesn't
sound like 'lead me on'
It would have to be 'Venus bro'"
A full trash can later ...
Performer of 'Mexico'
without name
la la la la tremolo
"Hehenk" shouted his mother downstairs.

page 6

Leibnitz

Die imaginaire Zahlen sind
ein feine und wunderliche
Zuflucht des göttlichen Geistes,
beinahe ein Amphibium
zwischen Sein und Nicht-sein.
Math teacher Heinz Widerporsten
had to quote Leibnitz again.
"If we know that:
i² = 1 and j² = 1 and k² = 1
and with quaternions multiplications
are no longer commutative, so that
j = -k * i = i * k
Which formula then ..."


Paustovsky

Meanwhile Henk and Ien whispered:
"Those teachers are really boring.
Except the Russian teacher.
Wish we had someone for geography
like Konstantin Paustovsky had.
Tsjerpunov the magician,
his cabinet full of bottles.
Water all the way from the Limpopo."
"Henk Samrink, pay attention.
Of course Ien is way more interesting
than math. But your grades tend to
D rather than C, so ...
z (a,b) = a + b * i = r (cos ф + i sin ф)
whereby -л < ф ≤ л and I give you this formula:
z¹º² + 999 z³³ – л z² = -417 + i"
"You know as well as I do, that those complex
numbers are a little too complex for me."

page 7

An Ecuador hype infected the Pot family.
Paul's mom had a leftist past
and came up with:
Ho Chi Min of Vietnam
sandals made
out of rubber tyre
Oldest brother Willem joined in.
He served with Unifil in Lebanon.
Unifil in Lebanon
blue beret
and a night in Tell Afuck.



Dad Ton Pot who worked as a cryptologist
at the University Computer Center
made one that Paul couldn't match:
Brimmed straw hat from Panama
tautology
from Middle America.
Whereupon Paul teased his dad with:
Fuzzy hair from Senegal
calculates
the highest prime.
That evening Mo served:
Lentil soup from Puy-de-Dôme
sausages
and garlic breath.

page 8

Hypnos and Thanathos

Also retired etruscologist grandpa Allard
joined forces and counseled his grandson to
think about his classical background.
"You do have Greek and Latin, don't you?"
Underworld of Tartarus
Hypnos' home
but also Thanatos.
And a lovely one from sis Monica,
the actress who visited them that Sunday:
Tenderfoot from Trinidad
trouser socks
and still a virgin man.

The Pot's lived in a uptown block
with all professor names. Theirs:
Professor Drossaert Lullofsstraat.
The neighborhood was named Galgenveld.
Grandpa lived above where he had a pot stove,
although the house had central heating.
His words kept tickling Paul's mind
and he started browsing randomly in a book
with Greek legends and myths whereby,
the Odyssey caught his attention.
That night he fought in his dream a
battle in the middle of knights on horseback.
Loads of blood streamed in the gutter
of the square in front of the Pot residence.

page 9

"What's for dinner, Mom?"
"Pear rice." "No ... honestly"
"You will see when it's ready,
but having eaten a large bag
of potato chips, you probably
won't be hungry anymore. Well,
It's gonna be seafood spaghetti.
You have nothing better to do
than watching cartoons?"
"Not all cartoons are silly.
You know what I just saw?
A chipmunk performing a human,
who does an impression of musical
instruments with his mouth, to show
how music imitates the human voice."



They lived in a much too large corner house.
Not bad located on the Timor Street.
Between the bike racks in the front yard,
was a blue sign, which read:
dentist Haverkamp
for appointments
phone 002349
And with a marker was written:
double o 'two
three four nine
that's my number.
Martha didn't want to be called Sarie
anymore, since Tony had left.
But Ien kept her old name.
Ien Haverkamp, just the mere thought.

page 10

"Kinell, what happened here?" asked Tony
Ien remembers vividly. After a terrible
fight her mother said:
"As you can see I cleaned up the stable.
Not that I've thrown things away definitely."
"You've done the windows."
"Judging by your face, that's
not meant as a compliment."
"No, now my zebra has gone."
"Your zebra? You don't mean that pigeon drop?"
"In the end it had only three legs
but still ..." And from the bathroom:
"My coyote as well! I still remember
how it looked like: staggering away
after a copious meal."



Friday afternoon in the pub 'the Racehorse of Genius'.
"Listen, here I have a notebook, with all the things
we have made so far." Not more than ten pages, but in
the sometimes euphoric mind of Paul, this might turn
out something like ... Onegin. The book Paul this
time was totally in to. But Henk, more down to earth
interrupted him. No, we mustn't be epigones. It's
enough to know that Pushkin could use anything …
song, letter, novel, verse and he could digress or
call it a day, when he wanted. By the way, gushing
about poetry and heroes ... no way. Like those
creeps from Dead Poets Society. But that version
of the preface, that yielded Paul an A, do you
have that in your notebook, Ien?"

page 11

Why only amuse my friends?
I want everybody's attention,
will honor you with my intends
deriving from our comprehension.
All objections are dismissed,
Stories and verses are contrived,
mainly because I couldn't resist
and wondering how they arrived.
Tragicomic out of the dark,
my expanding brains spark.
Maybe half-hearted but very proud,
till I shall tumble of this cloud.

Grandpa's birthday.
"Eighty one years old
but still very bold
sitting near the pot stove"
Henk sang paraphrasing
the 'Doe Maar' song.
To Ien grandpa confessed:
"If I only were young"
Henk still doing 'Doe Maar' songs:
"Under collapsing buildings
in the city
next to youuu."
Paul waited for the right moment
to show his newest creation.

page 12

Odysseus of Ithaca
battling for
the beautiful Helena
defeated Ajax
through Athena's cow dunga
drifted to
the island Ogygia.
Calypso's cave
he traded for Nausicaa.
Spoke to her of
Lotofagia,
of Cyclops and Aeaea
Charibdis and Trinacria.
Home again with Penelope
after a philippica
all the suitors
got euthanasia.

"It's not Ódysseus but Odýsseus
and doesn't sound like 'yellow sun',
if that was your intention.
So there is something wrong with the meter.
The a's added to Helen, dung and philippic …
alright, but the damning speech was named
after Philip of Macedon who was born
much later than Homer."
More criticism from Ien: "those
suitors, didn't one or two escape?
The rest was arrowed down ... not?"

page 13

"When we left Rotterdam harbor ..."
"Yes Henk, that's the first line of
the song Ketelbinkie, the deck hand."
"And sing instead of Rotterdam, Ithaca."
"When we left Ithaca harbor, with the
'Edam' ... what was their ship named?"
To catch the Odyssey in one song, was
asking for trouble, grandpa thought.
"Moreover, the journey started in Ismaros.
What preceded is Iliad. And then that
'we', the only one returning was Odysseus."
"We'll see." Paul's motto. If necessary
we'll put Iliad and Odyssey in one song.
Ien added Paul's idea to the notebook.
"I'll have a look at it, later at home."


Odysseus

Our black ship with the red bow.

When we left Ithaca harbor
To fight the Trojans in the east
For beautiful Helena of Sparta
Being captured by Paris that beast
We had a guy, rather clever
Laertes' son with us on board
Who transformed Calchas' dreams
To wooden horse as final chord

After the victory over Trojans
Ajax the Lesser he outran
And so the crater and the ox won
That Odysseus was our man.

page 14

Ien wasn't totally happy with the meter.
"Henk, you try to sing it ... mmm, doesn't
sound too bad. But that 'Paris the beast'...
I don't know Paris was more someone with
his head in the clouds, someone who rather
played his lyre than anything else."
"Well, Nero played his lyre, and wasn't he
a beast? And didn't Paris shoot Achilles
in the heel?" Paul also regretted that
his 'cow dung' wasn't used in the song.


Paris, Apollo, and Achilles.

Destroyed Ismarus of the Cicones
Thereafter homeward bound
But rounding the cape Malea
The gods turned the ship around
For ivory, silver and elektron
To Crete and Sidon we set sail
Aegyptus, Erembea where is that
And lost Menelaus' trail

Thanks to Boreas in our sails
Went to Cythera beautiful
Ended up with flower eaters
Lotophages bountiful

page 15

Odysseus and Circe

We blinded drunken Polyphemus
Disguised ourselves as sheep
The Laistrygones ate our friends
Eleven ships send to the deep
Suggesting we were merely pigs
The potion worked out on the crew
But Hermes holy herb moly
Protected us of Circe's brew

And then a scary trip to Hades
All the fire and the brimstone
That cost our life maybe two times
As in the end was shown

"I'm amazed, did you do that completely
on your own, Ien? And did you also buy
rhyme dictionary?" "Yes, Paul and what comes
in handy as well is a synonym dictionary."
"How long is it gonna be?" "I don't know,
I've had the Iliad, and am half way the
Odyssey. But I don't wanna make too long."

page 16

We stuffed our ears with beeswax
And tied the captain to the mast
Only Odysseus heard the Sirens
He judged their singing unsurpassed
The monsters Scylla and Charybdis
Eventually sang our swan song
The captain clung on to a beam
And drifted thus nine days long

But in Calypso's little sea cave
Rather reluctant supposedly
He may have stayed seven years long
Until Athena set him free


Odysseus, Athena and Nausicaa

Nausicaa, Alcinous' daughter
Was giving her clothes a bleach
Odysseus who was shipwrecked
Exhausted naked on the beach
He tells the king all his stories
His majesty would let him go
With lots of gifts he could return
The ship though was petrified
The Phaeacian rowers left to spurn

Hid his gifts in Phorcys' harbor
And Athena bleached his hair
Transforms him into a beggar
So the suitors wouldn't care

page 17

"Athena also dimmed his bright eyes and she had
grey green eyes, couldn't you have mentioned that.
You, with your beautiful green eyes, yourself."
"Stop it, Paul. And don't look at me like that."
"Because you lightly squint, that makes it extra."
"No, I just don't want it. Paul, stop doing that."
The inspiration faltered for several weeks.
One verse and one chorus was what she needed.
Book fourteen to book twenty-four had to be
compressed into that. Phemios Terpes' son brought
relief. The name would return in their conversations.


Telemachus and Penelope

Philoitios and Eumaeus the herdsmen
Telemachus Odysseus' boy
Together the formed the small army
That had only one goal: to destroy
The spears, swords and sharp arrows
Some hundred suitors killed with ease
And servant woman who were disloyal
Were hung from nearby growing trees

But Phemius Terpes' son escaped
And kept on playing this song
Who pushed our bed aside now?
Penelopeaia that's not done


Odysseus and Penelope

page 18

Lingerie & Foundation Nobelle Ltd.
was Henk's employer in the summer
months. Barely awake he cycled
to the industrial zone in Wijchen.
With a pallet truck he had to
move goods in the warehouse.
Such as: bras Foxy, A-cup to DD,
black tights Lieutenant Uhura,
girdles, corsets, corselets etc.
He needed the money to buy a
Honda off road machine.


Lieutenant Uhura

From Padova Henk got a postcard
with a picture of a fresco
from the Oratorio di San Giorgio.
Entitled:
St. Lucy Remains Immovable
at an Attempt to Drag Her
With The Help of Oxen
to a House of Ill repute.
And one with greetings from Allard,
Anton and Paul. From Piacenza.
"Again we couldn't see the bronze
liver of Piacenza this year
Museum still in 'rinnovazione'."
A week later, another from Vaduz:
"Greetings from Liechtenstein
postcard with:
message of saddle pain.
Martha and Ien."


Bronze liver, Piacenza

page 19

On the way to Lenzkirch near Titisee,
exhausted mother Martha and daughter Ien
got off their bikes at Campingplatz
'Bauernhof.' Ate schnitzel Jägersoße
and drank beer from big mugs. Drank
lots of pints with people also from
Holland, from Lith. It was raining and
already late. And they got too drunk to
even put up a tent. But fortunately
they were invited to stay the night.
By the farmer, a house down the road.
Who possibly was even more drunk than
themselves. "It's not only his club foot, is it?"
To the left and right supporting Hermann,
the three staggered through the night.


calamari fritti

"Margo, your son is head over heels in love."
When switching at the station of Chiasso
Switzerland, Paul had forgotten his suitcase.
"He can think of nothing but Bea. Right Paul?"
"Her name is Eva." "They're from Este, think Dante."
And to Mo: "The daughter of the Robecchi Briquetti's,
where we stayed the last week. He was closely under
surveillance of the many brothers, even the younger
ones." "Always with their hands in those swim briefs,
they wear." Once Paul had escaped. With Eva he had
been to Rosolina Mare on the Adriatic. And there they
had eaten calamari fritti out of a fatty cone bag, hmmm.

page 20

At the Samrink home they played a homemade
version of Cluedo or 'Who killed Dr. Black?'
So you could hear at the table:
Miranda of the 'Edah', killed the fishmonger
with a lead pipe, opposite liquor shop 'Frolic'.
Other locations on the homemade board were:
Chinese takeout center 'Golden City',
butchers 'The Meat Partners',
cigarette shop 'Padilla',
pet food store 'Pefosto',
solarium 'Total',
used car parts 'The Future'.



"When pigs fly." "What the fuck?"
"No way, not in your life, forget it"
"But Henk, If we ask the people who write
in the school paper ... I'm sure ..."
Ien and Paul were asked by Anneke
Van Driest to be members of the school
paper staff. "The mere name of the
paper, no, no, no. And I can't stand
Anneke Van Driest. And then Warenar
as chaperone, would make me sick."
Warenar was Brown, the teacher Dutch.
For him Henk made:
The disease of Brown
more hair on his chin
than on his crown.
The disease of Warenar
more hair on his balls
than on his cigar.

page 21

"Lend me some of your filthiest porn, Boet.
Preferable something funny. Old Harakiri's
for example. No, I won't stain them.
I take them to Erdal Ozipek. He scans them
and puts them in a self printed magazine
with computer tips and related poetry.
Look, this one for example:"



"And Henkie boy, is gonna give the circulation
figures a hefty boost, isn't it?" "Just like
in some English tabloids on page three."
"And knowing you, the name 'Bitmap', won't
last very much longer." "Oddly, I hadn't thought
of that. Do you have a suggestion?"
"Call it just what it is: porn or as we
say here in Nijmegen: pörno, purno, peurno."
Not only obscene pictures.
Henk wrote scabrous songs.
You fucking bet.
dirty rib-ticklers.
Ain't seen nothing yet.


Harakiri 10

page 22

Normally, Erdal and Henk cycled to school
together, till Henk had bought his Honda.
Erdal rented a room at a brother of his
father in the Rozenstraat Quarter.
A room? More like a cabin loaded with
electronics. He was acting like the cheering
from the video was for him, when he had
finished his homework. The applause after
a live concert of Nirvana. When they had
played their last number: Drain you.
And also used to give the finger to the
chess program when he managed to defeat it.



On a Chesterfield couch sat Erdal
and his uncle watching Bil Bul,
a youth quiz on TRT. Upstairs Henk
gave the Harakiri's to Erdal after
he had let him read his song:
Gently taps the penis
on the feminine pad,
the rhythm of hornyness.
What am I gonna do
with my sperm today?
I might as well go mad.
Oh, oh, oh,
grab that stiff rod
take it in your hand
and meanwhile I will bite
in your garter band.
Come darling Clara
you're the one I love.

page 23

'The rhythm of the hornyness' was
published in Bitmap number five.
Number six was called: Bitmap / Ponro.
With Tips & Tricks for Leisure Suit Larry,
photo corner The Wet Dream
and Henk's Wet Dream Song:
I have a gi ga gi ga gantic sack
Every time, two liters smack
Gi ga gi ga gantic sack
I have a ti ta ti ta tanic prick
One meter ten, quivering dick
Ti ta ti ta tanic dick
I was with si sa si sa seed flooded
Oh what a night, wonderful dream
Si sa si sa, flooded with cream.



"You have beautiful hair for a Chinese."
Paul and his brother Willem looked at
the men waiting for a haircut, if they
had heard it too. They would have walked
out, if it hadn't been Paul's turn.
"What is that creep gonna come up with,
when I'm in the chair", Paul thought.
But when the hairdresser enticed
the Chinese to buy all kinds of
hair care products, Paul and Willem
hefty shook their heads 'no'.
Offended, he kept his mouth shut.

page 24

The post that was intended to prevent
other vehicles use the cycle path
had been extremely effective.
Henk had collided with the concrete
post at full speed on his Honda.
With internal and external bruising
he had to keep bed for three weeks.
Every two days Paul came and flooded him
with homework. It was their senior year.
"Immer mit der Ruhe, Paulus. I'd rather
read 'Ik, Jan Cremer'. Could you get
that from the library. Part 1 and 2."
"It'll be a perfectly nice scar,
almost a German 'Schmiß'."

The third week Henk was out of bed and
was laying on the couch in the living room.
His mother put a pillow under his head
because there was already a greasy spot
on the arm rest. "You would have to have
some cloths like aunt Dewi's armchairs had.
What were they again? … antimassacres?"
Mother burst out laughing and said:
"Crochet works against blood-shed?
It is antimacassars, namely against
the Macassar oil from Celebes.
The place is also called Ujung Pandang,
located on the isle of Sulawesi."
When she was young, she had worked for
the Indonesian family de Roy van Zuydewijn.

page 25

Fortunately Henk was back on his feet
just before the school trip to Austria.
Kötschach im Gailtal, Carinthia.
"Mark Antonisse, you'll be Ray Smith.
You already wear tennis shoes."
Was speaking Bert Glimmerveen,
English teacher and the director of
an outdoor performance of a few chapters
from: The Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac.
"Ray Smith, the narrator of the book
is going to climb the Matterhorn,
in the Sierra Nevada, that is."
Together with Japhy Ryder and Henry Morley.



"Henry Morley is an eccentric
librarian and wears glasses.
I suggest that Paul plays this role.
Japhy is about five foot seven.
He wears a funny green alpine cap
and produces a yodel when he gets
to the foot of the mountain."
"Perfect role for 'Bugs'" someone said.
"Victor Stokhof, could you do that?
That's settled then. Oh ... and
a prompt ... Henk Samrink? Okay.
We are gonna start where Morley wants
to take a rubber air mattress with
him while he forgets his sleeping bag."

page 26

Mark 'solarium' Antonisse was the
protector of scapegoat Victor Stofhok …
uh Stokhof. Because of his prominent front
teeth also named 'Bugs'. Mark could not
take his eyes off auburn haired Ien.
"Victor, do you think that one of
the two is ... uh, doing it with her?"
"I'm pretty sure that's not the case.
Both Henk and Paul think and know
that they have no chance with her."


Bugs Bunny and Mark Antony

"Tonight I slept with Mark Antonisse
in his tent." Ien confessed to Paul.
"But you can't tell anybody!
Top secret. I beg you."
"Well, you shouldn't have told me
or at least have warned me that
you were gonna tell a secret.
Then I could have told you
not wanting to hear it, although …
Now you impose an obligation on me."
"But you can not ... if someone ..."
"Given the fact that I am a blabbermouth …
Well ... it's alright, but I can't promise
anything." "Pauhaul ... also not to Henk."

page 27

Lindwurmbrunnen Klagenfurt

In Klagenfurt, Henk and Victor had
seen 'Repulsion' the Polanski film.
At that time, Henk had decided to
apply for film school after graduation.
In the afternoon they visited the Musil
Museum. An assignment of the German teacher.
Henk teased Victor when they passed the
the 'Lindwurmbrunnen', the tapeworm source.
Victor was the son of Koen Stokhof
the manager of cafeteria 'Edelweiss'
on the Jacob Roggeveenstraat.



At night you could find Tony Sarie
there eating fried liver with onions
or horse steak with fries.
"Dad can't be stopped by anything."
Victor said. "Not a double skull base
fracture as a result of a robbery and
not even the hated 'Food Control Section'."
Henk was pleasantly surprised when
he learned that Victor played the guitar.
Though it was in the church choir.
But he couldn't picture him as a pallbearer
for the undertaker van Vroomshoop in Dukenburg.